


Babysitters Lars and Sadie: Featuring the Jelly Buds

by Jess4400



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Connieswap, Connieswap au, Gen, it's straight up silliness, only T bc of a few curse words, other than that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:54:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jess4400/pseuds/Jess4400
Summary: Lars and Sadie watch Steven while Mary is away. Connie gets into some trouble with a new friend. Steven's just happy that the jelly from the donuts makes a good hair gel.*Connieswap Omake- Set in the ConnieSwap Universe but not affiliated with it*





	Babysitters Lars and Sadie: Featuring the Jelly Buds

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this around the beginning of Summer but never posted it. o.o Hope you like it!

It was a slow day at the Big Donut, just like every other day at Lars’ miserable part-time job. He bounced his leg impatiently, thinking about how much he wanted to go home. He never even wanted to work at this stupid place. His mom thought that having a job would give him a ‘sense of purpose’ or whatever and somehow help his depression. It was stupid. The only good thing that came out of it was that he met Sadie.

Speaking of Sadie, he realized that she was speaking to a large, beautiful woman with dark brown ringlets framing her face and rose tattoos spiraling up her arms. He stared in awe as Sadie, who he presumed was equally impressed judging by her less-than-eloquent responses, agreed to something he didn’t catch.

“Thank you so much,” the woman said, relieved. “I have to meet up with my husband at the record company. They have some papers that I need to sign and our babysitter bailed last minute. It should take me less than forty-five minutes, and I will pay each of you when I get back. Thanks again, kids. Please take good care of him while I’m gone.”

“Uhh, yes ma’am,” Sadie replied. “He’ll be okay here with us.” Lars had pretty much pieced together that Sadie had somehow signed themselves up for a babysitting job at this point.

The woman nodded and headed towards the door. “My number is on that sheet of paper, as well as my husband’s, and a few other emergency contacts. Call me if anything happens.”

Sadie looked down at the flowing cursive writing on the paper next to her. She looked back up at the lady, mouth agape. When had she even put that there?

The woman smiled at Sadie’s expression and then, just as suddenly, narrowed her eyes at the two teens.

“But…” She continued, her steely voice a stark contrast to the sweet tone from earlier. “You will let nothing bad happen to my baby, correct?”

“Yes ma’am!” // “No Ma’am!” 

Sadie turned to Lars and punched him on the shoulder. 

“No ma’am?” She repeated incredulously, pulling him aside and stage-whispering so that the woman hopefully wouldn’t hear them.

“Ouch! I mean no, like, we won’t let anything happen to him! Gosh, it was kind of a double-negative, don’tcha think?!”

Sadie rolled her eyes and rushed to reassure the woman.

“We’ll take care of your son while you’re gone…” she trailed off. She looked around the room and cocked her head at the woman, “But…Where is he?”

“Supise!” A little voice yelled out as Lars was glomped by 45 pounds of pure cuteness. 

“Agk! What do you think you’re doing, you little-” Lars tried his hardest not to curse in front of the boy’s mother.

“He’s all yours. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Watch him carefully. He likes to get into a lot of trouble.” With a wave, the woman rushed out of the door.

Shellshocked, Lars harshly motioned to the giggling, curly-headed child on his lap and with his eyes, demanded an explanation. 

“She was hot, okay? You know how flustered I get around pretty girls.” Sadie blushed fiercely at her confession. Lars smacked his hand to his head.

“Sadie! She’s like, in her thirties! You’re a teenager! She has a son!”

“So?!” 

“So, you wouldn’t have had a chance anyway!”

“You think I don’t know that?! Plus, she kind of sprung it on me last minute! She was desperate;  How could I tell her no?!”

“Like this,” Lars inhaled, “NO.”

“It’s not that simple, Lars!”

“Guys?” The boy piped. “What you yellin’ bubout?” The pair turned to the kid, who was almost forgotten about amidst their bickering, that was, ironically, about him.

“Oh,” Sadie drawled, glaring at Lars, “Nothing important.” She changed her tone and smiled at the boy. 

“So, what do you want to do? Your mommy had to go run some errands real quick, so you’re gonna stay with us for a little while. What’s your name?”

The boy stared at her blankly. He glanced at the door and licked his lips. “Mommy,” He held his hand up by his face with his little fingers sprawled out and his thumb resting on his chin, “Go?” He pointed towards them with both hands. 

“Yes?” Sadie responded, unsure of where to go from there, “I just said that? But what’s your name?” Another lapse of silence and a confused stare from the kid.

“I don’t think he can hear you,” Lars huffed and slouched back in his chair, instinctively pulling the boy closer. “He’s got those things in his ears that old people wear.”

Sadie peeked at the boy’s ears, and sure enough, he had hearing aids in. The pieces clicked into place. 

“Oh,” she muttered, a bit embarrassed. “That makes sense, I guess…But how am I going to talk to him?”

Lars huffed. “Don’t?” He said, like it was the most obvious answer in the world. “We’ve only got him for forty five minutes anyway. Then he’s out of our hair.”

“That’s mean, Lars!” While the duo was arguing, The boy found the world outside the donut shop window to be more interesting. He wiggled out of Lars’ grasp, mumbling “potty” so they’d let him leave. Sadie pointed down the hall towards the break room. He found a door to the outside back there and made a mad dash down the boardwalk, giggling like a maniac all the while.

 

* * *

 

“You’re the one who agreed to it! That means you should watch the kid! I’m off the hook.” Sadie hushed him and peered down the hallway. 

“Don’t tell me to shush--”

“Where did the kid go? He’s been back there for a long time.”

“Maybe he had to shit or something. I don’t know,” Lars grumbled, crossing his arms. Sadie yanked him up and sped towards the bathroom. She knocked on the door with an exasperated Lars by her side.

“What’s _that_ gonna help? He can’t hear you, remember?” Sadie blushed. She stuck her hand through the crack in the door and waved. Getting no response, she slowly pushed the door open to reveal no one inside. She turned to Lars with a wild look in her eyes.

“Where is he?” She cried. Lars ran his hands through his hair.

“Oh my gosh. We’re dead. We’re dead. If this is how I go, beaten by a large, angry, beautiful, woman, I’m never forgiving you.”

“Lars,” She pleaded, “We’ve gotta find him!” Lars nodded and took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said, “but where should we start looking?”

 

* * *

“Yes, uh-huh, thank you. We’ll look there first. We’ll let you know. Thanks again, buh-bye.” Sadie hung up the company phone and rushed out of the door. Lars, taken aback by her sudden actions, struggled to catch up with her and almost lost her, too.

“Where,” huff, “Are,” huff, “We,” huff, “Going?!” He panted.

“There!” Sadie yelled, pointing at the docks. “His uncle Yellowtail works there. His aunt Vidalia thinks that maybe he went up there. His name is Steven, by the way.”

“You didn’t call his mom?!” Lars shrieked.

“Hell no! I called someone else on the list.” Lars groaned and Sadie continued, reassuring herself more than anything. “We can find him! We can find him, and his mom never has to find out!” She yanked his arm. “But we have to hurry! We only have thirty minutes.”

 

* * *

 

“Lazuli, has this human always resided here? I was under the impression that humans were not tree-dwelling creatures.”

“I don’t think they are. Aww, but he’s so stinking cute! Help me get him down; He could be Con Con’s new best friend.” She gestured to the toddler in her arms.

“Negative. We don’t have time for that. Connie’s bed time is in approximately fifteen minutes.”

 

* * *

 

“He’s not at the Big Donut, he’s not at the docks, he’s not at the boardwalk, he’s not at the park…” Sadie looked at Lars with tears in her eyes. “We’re running out of time!”

“We could go to the police station and ask if they’ve seen him?” He suggested.

“I don’t want to get in trouble, though,” Sadie pouted.

“This situation is a little more important than your reputation, Sadie,” he pointed out. The girl sighed and adopted an intense expression of determination.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

“P, we have to do something. We can’t just have him hanging out here all day. I hate to be the sensible one, but he has a family out there somewhere and they’re probably worried sick.”

“Then perhaps his family shouldn’t have left him without proper parental supervision!”

“People make mistakes, Peridot!” 

“You’d know,” Jasper smirked.

“Stay out of this cheeto puff.”  Lapis gave her a dangerous glare and resumed her argument with Peridot. “How would you like it if Connie got lost and no one helped her?”

“First of all, that would never happen, because I would never let her leave my sight!”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say, you--”

“Stop,” Jasper boomed, effectively cutting off the bickering gems.  “Where’s Connie? And the other human?”

Both Peridot and Lapis surveyed the area and blanched.

 

* * *

 

“Bahaha!” The old police officer laughed.

“You lost a kid in  _ this _ town? He’s gone for good. The rainbow ladies over by the beach house probably done snatched him up and ate him.”

“There has to be something you can do,” Sadie begged.

“Sorry kid. Until he’s missing for twenty-four hours, our hands are tied.”

Sadie let a few frustrated tears escape and stomped her way out of the police station. Lars followed behind and didn’t mention her crying. He knew she hated being an angry crier.

“So,” he began cautiously, “What’s the plan now?”

“We search near the beach house.”

“What?!”

 

* * *

 

The officers studied the neon-colored women in his office. Today had definitely been a strange day.

“So  you’re telling me,” he drawled, “That you’re missing two children?”

“Yes!” Well, one of them technically isn’t ours, but we found him earlier. Then he ran off with our little girl Connie!” Peridot explained.

“The boy. Did he have dark, curly hair and a pink shirt on?”

“Yes!” Peridot nodded. “You much catch this small criminal!”

“Huh,” the officer chuckled, “You’re the second group to come in here asking about a missing child. You must have found the other group’s kid. And here I thought ya’ll ate him!”

“Ate him?” Jasper inquired.

“There’s no time for that!” Peridot yelled. “Can you help us or not?!”

“I’m sorry, but like I told the other kids, I can’t do anything until they’ve been missing for twenty-four hours. Maybe you could team up with them and look together? One is Barb’s girl and the other is Dante’s son. They work up at the donut shop down the street. I’d check there.”

“Thanks for nothing, you clod,” Peridot grumbled.

“We’ll look there. Thanks for the information,” Lapis mediated. “We’ll bring you a donut back later.”

Jasper led the group to the donut shop, where they found quite the scene inside.

 

* * *

 

“Lars, I don’t know what to do,” Sadie sniffed as they returned from their fruitless search of the beach house. Lars gave her a stiff hug. He wasn’t good at the whole comforting thing, but at least he made the effort. They walked down the street to get back to the donut shop. Lars sighed.

“We have ten minutes left. We should probably call his mom.” He went to pull out his phone when his friend interrupted him.

“WAIT!” Sadie pointed. “Look! It’s The Crystalline Gems! They’re breaking into the Big Donut!”

“It’s “The Crystal Gems,” you insufferable human,” Peridot griped. She put her floating key-shaped finger away and crossed her arms. 

“Are you aware that there are two human children inside your place of business, one of which is ours? We’ve been looking for her all day, mind you! Follow-up question: Do you think it’s funny that they made such a mess? They could have seriously hurt themselves or died from eating too many trans-fats! How could you be so irresponsible as to leave them--”

Sadie ignored the lecture from the green gem. She peeked inside the window and saw two children, one, thankfully Steven, and the other, a younger girl who she didn’t recognize. They had flour, sprinkles, and butter saturated in their hair and all over the floor. They were munching on jelly-donuts from the display case and laughing at the silly hairstyles they gave one another. Sadie opened the door and everyone tumbled in, wondering how two little kids could make such a big mess in such a small amount of time.

Suddenly, Sadie’s cell phone began to ring, catching the attention of everyone in the Big Donut (sans Steven).  Eyes wide, she panicked and threw the phone to Lars. He threw it back once he saw the name on the caller ID.

“Hurry! Answer it before she gets suspicious!” Lars hissed. Sadie gulped and accepted the call.

“Hi, Mrs. Universe! Yeah, we’re doing fine! Oh, really? That’s great! I mean, not great. That sucks! We’ll keep him here, don’t you worry. Take as long as you need to! Alright, we’ll see you in a little while. Bye!”

“So? Lars bounced on his feet. “What’d she say?” Sadie grinned.

“She met up with a family member who insisted they all go out to lunch. Apparently it’s Mrs. Universe’s birthday in a few days.”

Lars breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay. Now all we have to do is clean up this mess before she gets home.”

“Ahem,” Peridot cleared her throat and gave a pointed look to the teens, “I still deserve an explanation.”  Lapis ruined the effect by encouraging the kids’ antics and putting sprinkles in her own hair. Steven clapped and slapped some butter on her arm.

“Sorry,” Sadie said, rubbing the back of her neck. “He slipped away from us, apparently found this one,” she pointed to the toddler, “And brought her back here to play.”

“Her name is Connie,” Lapis added, “And I think she likes having a new friend. P-dot keeps her locked up in the house all the time and she gets bored.” She turned back to Connie and nuzzled her sticky face, cooing “Isn’t that right,” in a silly voice. The toddler laughed.

“I think she’d like to come play with him again sometime. It looks like he could use a friend too. After all, he was bored enough to run away from you two.”

Lars crossed his arms at the diss and Sadie hung her head.

“You’re right,” she said sadly, “We’re bad babysitters.”

“What’s a ‘babysitter?’” Peridot questioned. With a shake of her head, she dismissed the question. “Anyway, there’s no way I’m letting Connie ‘hang out’ with that little delinquent again.”

“Forget that,” Jasper rolled her eyes. “It’s five minutes past Connie’s bedtime and we haven’t even gotten her home or cleaned up yet. We need to go. We’ll finish this discussion another time.” The burly gem turned to the teens. 

“We’ll be leaving now.”

“Wait!” Sadie cried. “Could you maybe help us clean up? Half the mess was made by your kid.”

“But this whole incident started with your child’s recklessness,” Jasper challenged. “If it wasn’t for him, Connie wouldn’t even be here.”

“He’s not our chi-” Lars started. Sadie cut him off.

“I’ll give you a week’s supply of donuts on the house. Please, please, please, help us clean this up. His mother is going to be here soon and this place has to be spotless.”

“Oh please,” Peridot rolled her eyes, “Like that’s gonna make us--”

“Two weeks supply and you’ve got a deal!” Lapis shook Sadie’s hand. “Now let’s get cleaning, everyone! You too, Connie, and your friend there.” Steven didn’t know what she was saying, nor did he care, so he settled for booping Connie’s nose. She giggled and booped his nose back.

“Hold on, let me look something up,” Sadie said, pulling out her phone. She looked up the sign for “clean up” and tried it for Steven. She knew he understood by the way he pouted and lightly kicked the sprinkles container. He got up and started putting away all his mess-making materials back where he found them. Sadie handed him a cloth and he picked up the big globs of butter off of the floor. He then handed it to Connie to try. She ended up smearing the butter, which made an even bigger mess, but he smiled at her effort anyway. Peridot swept the flour and the sprinkles, Lapis used her water powers to gather the jelly into the trash, Jasper kept an eye on the kids, Lars hid in the break room until they were finished, and Sadie oversaw the whole operation and spot-cleaned a few places the gems and Steven had missed.

Once the Big Donut’s mess was all cleaned up, there was still the question of how they were going to get the butter, sprinkles, and flour out of the kid’s hair. Sadie voiced her concerns and Lapis grinned.

“Meet me at the beach house in ten minutes and bring a change of clothes for him.” She scooped up a messy Connie and flew to the temple. Jasper shrugged and walked out. Peridot gave them the “I’m watching you” signal and followed the orange gem, presumably back to the temple.

The teens shared a look. They didn’t have much of a choice. They ran to Lars’ house with Steven on Lars’ shoulders and grabbed some clothes for the boy. They were going to be huge on him, but it was better than nothing. He’s sure that their manager wouldn’t appreciate hearing about a naked kid in his restaurant. He grabbed some shampoo too,  just in case.

When they finally reached the beach house, they stumbled upon a kiddie pool with a flowing water hose filling it up. Connie was already in there, splashing around, with Lapis using her hydrokinesis to work the butter out of her long hair.

“Jump in, kid!” She unnecessarily yelled to Steven, who was already headed toward his new friend. 

“No, no, no, no, no, wait!” Lars yelled, trying to catch up with the kid. 

“Ah, let him have fun, Lars,” Sadie laughed.

“His hearing aids are gonna get wet!”

“Shit, you’re right!”

The pair ran after Steven, but they couldn’t catch him in time for Lapis’ water attack. 

“Muwahahaha!” She cackled. “Beware the Water Witch!” Steven giggled loudly as Lapis splashed water on his hair, effectively soaking his hearing aids. Lars hung his head.  “We’re doomed.” 

Sadie nodded.

 

* * *

 

“We’re really sorry about his hearing aids, Mrs. Universe," Sadie apologized, "He had some jelly donuts and made a mess so we gave him a bath but we forgot that he still had them in and--” Mrs. Universe scooped up her son.

“It’s okay,” she sighed.

“You’re not mad?” Lars asked timidly.

“Well I am, a little, but you got lucky this time. He chewed on them and broke them a few days ago, so we have an appointment with the audiologist to get a new pair tomorrow. Just... Don’t let it happen again.”

Lars and Sadie nodded furiously, the latter tilting her head at the large woman.

“Again?” She asked.

“Sure. I might have you two watch him next week if that’s okay. He made it through the night without an incident, so you two are already ninety percent better than the other babysitters we’ve tried. Here’s your money, by the way.” She handed them each a fifty dollar bill and winked. She headed out of the door and Steven wiggled in her arms enough to wave goodbye. “And plus,” she turned around, “He seems to like you two.” Lars and Sadie watched her leave and the only sound breaking the silence was the door chime. “We are definitely doing this again,” Lars grinned.

 

* * *

 

“Hello, welcome to the Big Donut!” Sadie waved to a woman with strange yellow hair. The woman walked straight up to the counter and got to business.

“Hey, you’re the kid who was watching Steven the other night, huh?”

“Um, yeah. And you are…?” 

“Vidalia. You asked me where to find him. I told you to look by the docks.”

“Oh yeah, I remember--”

“You owe me kid. I stalled Mary at some lousy crab shack so you could look for Steven. I had some disgusting shrimp scampi and it did not agree with me. Give me three boxes of donuts and I think we can call it even.” She smirked. Sadie looked at Lars, who shrugged in response.

Sadie sighed. “Which flavors would you like…?”

 

END


End file.
